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Reasons, why many people are afraid to ask for support

Apparently "quite by accident" my previous posts were caught up in the news of a mental health company's data being leaked on the internet. They Told Their Therapists Everything. Hackers Leaked It All

About 10 years ago I had some serious problems that I didn't really notice at the time. I don't want to self-diagnose or encourage anyone to do that, but I thought I was theoretically perfectly healthy, maybe physically I was, but mentally it was different. Much like my childhood, I didn't really know that I could talk to anyone about it, or more precisely, that I could talk to anyone. (Although I feel the same way about a completely different subject as a child.) I had a lot of conversations with friends at the time about the situation, but everyone just shrugged it off really. I used to say that it would work out eventually!

Help can and I think should not only be asked for when you are very deep in a negative spiral situation. It is much more practical to use it at the beginning. Just as I had and still have conditions for it, I suppose you have thought about it, but perhaps you have given it up because of one of the later ones.

Of course, I would like to say that you will get the right support in every situation, but it is worth paying attention to a few things. For example, if you don't just listen to the first few sentences, you can save yourself a lot of unpleasantness!

Sometimes it is difficult to get to the point where you ask for help. Even with just one sentence, a good supporter can dispel thoughts that can later grow into more serious outcomes. I don't really like generalisations, yet there are some that I often come across in my work. I have collected some of these.

REASONS WHY MANY PEOPLE ARE AFRAID TO ASK FOR SUPPORT

You are afraid of being judged by the consultant. Something you are ashamed of comes out.

The first time I went to see one of these professionals, I was like "if he knows what he's doing, I don't have to say anything!". Translating my own thoughts at the time, this meant that I have problems, but I always do my best. My principles are absolutely fine, and what is not is not there. Especially don't let this get out! I mean, the "perfect me is not so perfect..."

During the Consultation, although I am not an ordained monk, everything that is said remains between you and me. I live life on the principle that each person sees it from his or her own perspective, and everything experienced can be transformed. For this reason, there is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing that cannot be transformed into something else.

support

Everyone's a coach now...

Getting to the point of asking for support is a big step in itself. And if you think that trust, practice and experience are important for a consultation, you are absolutely right!

We often say that we Hungarians are a country of 10 million professionals. There are trendy professions and there are those who see working with others as a really easy way to make money. If it ever becomes one.

I've had the privilege of talking to quite a few people over the years, and working with people from a wide variety of backgrounds.

Don't choose the services of a coach/consultant just because their story is similar to yours! Everyone will suggest: 'Listen to his/her story and observe what he/she got out of that hole! "' But have you ever wondered why there aren't dozens of Jobs, Gates, Robbins?

The same recipe can't work for everyone, and almost everyone will have different things come up in relation to one memory or another, even if they have been in the same situation more than once.

The results are not lasting. Constant ups and downs.

For this reason, we also take a personalised approach to consultations. We look first and foremost at what works for you and what works for your development. We go at the pace that works best for you. (I am here to support you, of course, but also to help you go through the stages that you for some other reason missed, but that will bring you the best results.)

You ask too much! Enough with the "investing in myself"!

Invest in yourself is a great phrase, and I think it's extremely important. Like everything else, it can be worn out.
I could say the extremely clichéd phrase that it's all a matter of perspective. I would also say to think about what your current situation means to YOU, and what experience would you have if you recognized your limitations and changed them?The theory of investing in yourself is important, but it is worth nothing if you don't gain change and knowledge that you can use. In my consultations, I place a strong emphasis on not just dealing with what is uncomfortable. If you are involved, we can develop clearer perspectives and new action steps. But it doesn't have to end there. If you choose, I am available several times a week.

This is an important topic, because whether we like to admit it or not, the past period has been extremely stressful, and life has more surprises in store for us. I have read many books where it was quite clear that either the author or the characters (I am talking about non-fiction) had organized support for themselves at the very beginning of their journey or along the way. I am reading a book by Ray Dalio, and he describes most honestly that excelling in one area does not make you clearly good in another.

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Why do so many people get sick?

To answer this question, a few blog posts would certainly not be enough. It is also quite likely that this is not the aim.

Illness is a condition that has a negative effect on the original structure or function of an organism. (The definition is of course not complete.) The sentence assumes that there is a condition where an organism is stable, balanced, healthy. Disease, on the other hand, is a state of being out of balance. In most cases these are identified by the appearance of signs or symptoms. And these can be further dissected.

Almost all the media lately has been full of stories about viral diseases, their dangers and how to counteract them. At least with one of the supposedly fastest acting shoulder species.

sick

'A university lecturer asked his students why malaria can develop. According to the article, the students had not yet learned about parasites, their answers were logical: dense vegetation, no mosquito nets over the bed, lots of rain, mosquitoes and mosquito bites. Towards the end of the year, they had much more knowledge, so they were able to give more precise answers to the same questions. A parasitic species, Plasmodium, is responsible for malaria. The answer is correct, but the students have still missed a number of other factors. The mosquito breeding site, poverty, and a warm, humid environment all contribute to the development of the disease. One of the most important factors in the parasite causing disease is a weak immune system. The lesson of this example is that there are many factors that contribute to the development of a disease, it is not enough to focus on just one or a few! And this is also true for all other diseases' (Muula, 2016).

The immune system's job is to protect the body from disease. It is our many but very important physical defence system, whose most important function is to protect us from the negative effects of bacteria, viruses, fungi, parasites and more - ( (Newman, 2018)

Its functioning is quite complex and, in my opinion, research is still far from fully understanding it. But one thing is for sure, without it, no organism on this earth has much chance of survival. The strangest thing is that the immune system can act against the very organism in which it is made. And it belongs to that part of our body that, when it's right, we're not really aware of its existence. As long as it's working well, we don't even notice it.

There are techniques that swear by the fact that every element associated with the physical mind, as an ego, must be eradicated because it is the cause of all trouble. Joe Dispenza, through his research with the help of his peers, communicates a lot about the need to fully develop a state of belonging to nowhere, describable by nothing, and this is achieved by a total destruction of the ego.

Others teach that the greatest and most valuable thing is to be aware of the present moment. Followers of "being present", through the power of the mind, encourage us to be in control of our circumstances.

One thing is for sure, while there is more information, technology, religion, etc. available than you could ever need, focusing solely on one side does not create balance. Just as there are several components to falling out of balance - illnesses - there are several components to creating and maintaining balance - or health.

One of the most thought-provoking books I have read on balance is Ikigai by Héctor Garcia and Francesc Mirales. Which is more than a book, of course. Very briefly, the two authors explore why people in places like some islands in Japan are still very active and balanced in their later years.

In my own experience, it is possible to achieve a state of balance. Through mindset, proper communication (energetic too) and developing the right habits. As you can see from the university example above, we need to understand the details, but we also need to understand the parts that we don't fully understand yet. Because the mind is simply not designed for it. You need all the parts to have inner balance. If you reject any part of it, then it is not possible to have balance. And for a healthy life you need balance.

To answer the question in my own post, disease appears when inner balance is out of place. The reason why so many diseases develop is that we pay little attention to this area. There is often so much criticism of this approach that it is seen as a lie, a quackery, by many people, when we can have about as much information about the physical body as we have about the seas around us. We know that there are. We can see how certain parts of it work, but not at all how it works as a whole, its effect on the planet Earth and the organisms that live on it.

I'll end with another favourite thought:

"Most people now have a device in their hands that has a knowledge far beyond that of the previous moon landers and more than 90% of their operators. What about the human body? Have we read and understood its manual?" - Sadhguru


References

Muula, Adamson S. 2016. https://theconversation.com/. https://theconversation.com/what-causes-diseases-why-the-answer-is-complicated-and-contentious-55955. [Online] 2016. April 4.

Newman, Tim. 2018. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320101. [Online] 2018. January 11.

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Why is it so difficult to build new habits?

One of the most important steps is to understand why our habits are formed!

Habit formation:

“Habit formation is the process by which behaviors become automatic. Habits can form without a person intending to acquire them, but they can also be deliberately cultivated—or eliminated—to better suit one’s personal goals.”

Repeating something that we feel is important, or that our mind judges to be important, makes it deeper and at the same time more accessible to us. This automatic action helps the body to achieve what we want. The mind (like software) starts to shape different areas of the brain (like hardware) and forms the communication between neurons. The neurons then store all the information, or elements needed to do something, in parts, but keep them connected. If we make a habit, then connectivity takes priority, and pathways are coated with a special kind of fat that our body builds up to achieve information speed. (By the way, its proper name is Myelin - sheath.) And I've just described all this in infinitely simplified terms.

In the beginning, we have to learn a number of things to adapt to our environment. That's how it is at age 0 and that's how it is with any new event. Although, at 0 years old, only the basic functions that are essential for the body's life support are wired in our brains. For some reason, the human race has taken quite a long road to maturity. We spend most of our time with mother and family until we are able to stand on our own two feet.

Our habits make our lives much easier. There is a lot to adapt to, but over time we really focus a lot of our attention on minimising this stimulus group. We try to make our lives as comfortable as possible, and to exclude anything uncomfortable as far as possible. Of course, generalising most of the time weakens any idea, but many of us live a life of total comfort where we have access to hot water and electricity almost without thinking. In a previous post, I wrote about the obstacles. The obstacles are not entirely obvious, but weak or non-existent challenges create new tasks.

So our habits are mostly about being able to make often repeated tasks and reactions automatic. But habits are different from routine actions.

What’s the difference between a habit and a routine?

“While a routine involves repeated behavior, it’s not necessarily performed in response to an ingrained impulse, like a habit is. You might routinely wash the dishes or go to the gym without feeling an impulse to do so because you feel you need to do those things.” - Psychology Today

Most of the habits we are not even aware of. The mind has to use areas that it does not necessarily or most easily allow access to. And it does this to keep the way of life safe at all costs. There is one more important element to this equation. The mind does not discriminate between right and wrong to the extent that we say it does in interpretations of writings, situations, or emotions. When you form an opinion about something, you are using your previous experiences, knowledge, conclusions and comparisons with them. We like to talk about how unique our thinking is, or how special we are, but in reality, the 'play' of the mind affects everyone.

There is no right or wrong for the mind, mostly just safe and dangerous.

What it means to the mind to be safe or dangerous is determined by your past experiences. So habits can't be exactly the same for everyone, nor do they mean the same thing. But you may already have an idea of why it is so important for the mind to classify experiences and form habits, routines, automatisms.

Why do humans have habits?

“One likely reason people are creatures of habit is that habits are efficient: People can perform useful behaviors without wasting time and energy deliberating about what to do. This tendency toward quick-and-efficient responses can backfire, however—as when it gets hijacked by the use of addictive drugs or consumption of unhealthy food.” – Psychology Today

You wouldn't think it, but convenience and practicality come at a high price. And as one of my favorite authors wrote, we don't change because "not doing" something is just as much effort as changing it. Our way of life may be complex, but perhaps the mechanisms that make it work are simpler. If something is safe and even comfortable, you will feel more motivated to continue doing it. Everything else feels like effort, and your mind will try to dissuade you from changing.

The first time I took my bike out for a good ride on a warmer day, every muscle in my body was telling me, DON'T DO IT!!! You are crazy! Then, when I had to pedal up a hill, which will always be in front of me from then on, it made it even clearer in my mind that this was an extremely stupid idea. Not just once, because it might have been passed through the system. Every time I go for a ride, I have to take into account that I have to "climb" a big hill at the end. The following season the resistance was milder. But there it was! And it's okay if you understand that mechanism too. It was a lot easier to get back on the bike after a long (winter) break, yet the thought of "you know you have to do this, right?" comes up. The first signs are probably strong when you want to change something. Many people give up here. But the game doesn't end here. Next, it will take some time for your mind to pick up on it if you want to achieve something different. You might also think that this is a way of testing the new things that are in front of you. To make something worthy of deeper storage. But some kind of test is coming. And if you're not mindful enough, the old habit, which is stronger than the new, will come back. So persevere!

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